How to revive your marriage when trust is lost

Marriage is not just a union of two people but it is a promise to stay united in every thick and thin that life offers. A marriage can be a bed of thorns for many in contrast to the rosy picture they dreamed of in their pre-marriage days. It takes a lot of understanding, patience, acceptance, forgiveness, compromises and trust to sustain a marriage.

There are many challenging situations that can infiltrate your marriage. Some of which are Infidelity, financial misappropriation and lying or hiding of facts by a partner. If you are held up in such a situation where your spouse is involved in any of these,  it is very natural that you will be traumatised and your inner being will be shaken to the core. You will feel used and betrayed and you will feel like quitting.  Your home, where you wish to feel secure and relaxed will seem suffocating and you will want to escape from this.

This is the time for some serious thinking that would need you to calm down the inner voice of the ego that would replay the hurt, pain, victimisation and pop up different reasons for quitting as the only option for relief. But you need to ask your inner voice to evaluate objectively whether you would like to continue this marriage or dissolve it.  In this process you need to see your spouse’s pas behaviour. See whether he/she is fulfilling the duties/role of the marriage partnership.  This involves duties towards children, sharing of household finances, being there in time of illness or family crisis.  Marriage is after all a partnership for physical stability.

Then you need to see whether it is a repetitive behaviour and he/she has been doing this again and again inspite of resistance from your side or this is one of the few odd times. Analyzing this situation while maintaning your inner qualities of self- worth, self- esteem, understanding and compassion will play a pivotal role and help you take a wise decision.

It is truly said that it is easy to preach than practice. But also know that nothing in this world is impossible. When trust is lost in a marriage it is not easy to regain it, but remember it is not impossible. You can revive your marriage if you wish to. Sustaining the marriage despite of the storm and choosing the higher emotion of forgiveness will make you emerge a stronger person.  It is easy to break but not easy to make.

To continue your marriage and dissolve the painful emotions, I suggest the below:

  1. Realize your power in this relationship: What you offer to this relationship is no way less than what your partner offers. You may be a home maker managing the house or your earning might be a paltry sum compared to what he/she is doing, it does not affect the fact that in this relationship of stability, both sides are equal. Your being there as a supporting partner is your power.  Do not allow this incident to take away your self- worth.  What someone does is all because of him/her and not because of who you are.
  2. Forgive: Forgiving is a heroic choice. It takes a lot of courage, understanding, perspective and belief in God to forgive.
  3. Betrayal is just a definition: The word betrayal may seem devastating but at the end of the day it is just a definition. Understand that your partner has not done anything intentionally; he/she has done this because of his/her weakness of character, perception, priorities and disregard of sanctity of marriage or relationship. Understand with compassion and you will see that no crime is big enough to destroy everything.
  4. Realize and release all the emotions of hurt, pain and grief and rise above them. Choose to accept and surrender to what Is knowing it will evolve you into a better human being.
  5. Open your heart to trust and have faith in God to always protect your marriage. Trust that your partner also wants the marriage and will do everything to not repeat.

Know that every emotion is temporary. By choosing the higher emotions of compassion, faith and self-belief you are uplifting your thoughts and way of life. By doing so, you will realise your inner strength and in due course of time this incident would seem minor in front of the larger picture of life.

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